Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
