I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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