well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
