He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Hippo gnu deer
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
