Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
