I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
