After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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