I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
