I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
