Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
