He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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