Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
