Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
