I'm gonna have a badass scar
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
