My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
