So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
