If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
