he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
