I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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