I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
