Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
