Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Randomize
