I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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