So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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