Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
