Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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