Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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