Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
