the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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