So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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