this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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