I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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