His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
