i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
