i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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