I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
