I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
