two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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