He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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