I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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