The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
