I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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