She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
