can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
