Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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