Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
