3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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