u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
