Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
