I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
is wine microwaveable?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Randomize
