U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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