i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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