You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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